


Haunted by the Ghost of You

by batcaves



Category: DCU, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dick & Barbara are very good friends, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hallucinations, M/M, Minor Grief/Mourning, Sort Of, ghost au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-03-20 02:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18983662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batcaves/pseuds/batcaves
Summary: Dick knows that he’s not the picture perfect example of mental health, but he'd thought he was handling it all pretty well. Then Wally died.And then, Wally started popping up everywhere.Except, only Dick could see him, which was… Not great.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron
> 
> Takes place shortly after the end of S2 and does not follow S3.
> 
> \---  
> Beta'd by my sweet boo.

On the night of his first birthday following Wally's death, Dick sits quietly on the roof of his apartment building. The air is chilly, just cold enough that his breath lingers for a moment as he listens to the city nightlife below. Some would say that maybe he's not taking things well, but all things considered, his own birthday is going much better than Wally's had last month. Instead of holding himself up in his apartment by himself, he’d actually left to see people.

Earlier he had lunch with Kaldur, Megan, Conner, Raquel and Zatanna, and then had dinner with the family. A perfectly normal birthday for a perfectly normal person. And maybe he leaves early from each little party they have because being around everyone for so long makes it hard to breathe. And maybe he ignores Artemis' calls all day. Artemis, who knows too much-- understands him too well. And maybe, he's relieved that Roy is too busy to come because sometimes, when he sees Roy, his brain plays a little, horrible trick on him. Suddenly, Roy's eyes are the wrong colour and his cheeks don't have the right freckles and-- and his heart just can't take it.

But overall? Perfectly normal.

So, Dick sits on a rickety lawn chair that's parked on top of the roof, his only companions a lukewarm cup of hot chocolate and a heavy ache in his chest. It sounds a little lonesome, admittedly, but it's the choice he made and he's going to stick with it.

While he quietly watches the dimly lit night sky, his phone begins chirping loudly at him. Dick sighs deeply when he reads the caller ID. As it continues ringing, he wonders if he'd be able to get away with letting it go to voicemail-- but he's pretty sure that'll blow up in his face somehow, knowing her. He leans back in his chair and picks up the call.

“Hey Barbara.”

“Don't 'Hey Barbara' me, Grayson.” He winces. She's pissed, “You owe me for helping you run off tonight. So we're going to finally talk about this or you can forget about me ever helping you again.”

He tries to come up with an excuse to avoid this particular conversation but Barbara barrels forward.

“Dick, we're--” She stops abruptly, letting out a slow breath. “We're all worried about you,” Barbara speaks in an unusually small voice.

“I--” He feels young again. It's that same, uncomfortable feeling in his gut when he sat across from Black Canary and talked about his theoretical death. “I know. Sorry.”

“We've all been trying to give you some space to deal with… what happened, but Dick… Today was the first time anyone's seen you in weeks. We've barely spoken at all in the past six months.”

“You know I've been busy with the Academy--”

“Dick.” Her voice is kind, but firm, “Just… don't. Not with me.”

For a few moments, he says nothing, stewing on her words. A cold breeze moves by and he lets out a sigh as he moves some of his hair out of his face. He could lie again-- easily, even-- but he suddenly feels so tired from today. All his reluctance, his defensive walls, his will to lie just melts away. Barbara's as good as Bruce is when it comes to reading him, but she's more persistent in confronting him.

“It just… it feels like I've been put on pause,” Dick nearly whispers into his phone, defeated by his own admission. “It’s as if I'm still there, at the funeral, staring at his grave.” His eyes start to burn, “His fucking empty grave. And everyone has left, to go about their day. Everyone has to move on, eventually, I know that. Of _course_ I know that. It's just about carrying on in this job, right? No matter how hard that is.”

Absently, he can almost hear Barbara making an effort to hold her breath. Dick leans forward, placing his cup on the concrete roof so that he can bury his face in his free hand.

“But then I see everyone living their lives like everything is normal, and I can't help but think… how can you not still be devastated? This… it's only been six months, but somehow everyone has gone on with their lives. Yet I'm still there, staring at that coffin.” He's speaking so quietly now that he can barely hear himself over the wind. “And trust me, I know how bad that sounds and that it's not fair of me. I know I'm not the only one who lost him that day, and that I'm not the only one still reeling from this.”

He pauses for a moment to think of the others.

He thinks of Iris and Barry, who he hasn't seen since the funeral, despite them having reached out to him. They both essentially lost a son, but as far as he was aware, they were both coping much better than he was- not that it's a competition- but he knows how hard it is to lose someone in your family. Finally, he thinks of Artemis, who lost her boyfriend to a mission that Dick had been in charge of. Artemis who… who Dick hasn't spoken to since the funeral either. Although, to be fair to himself, she hasn't really tried to speak to him either until recently.

Dick says wetly, “Did you know that he was the first person I called about Jason?”

“No,” She replies in a soft voice.

“I was a wreck after Bruce told me. Hadn't had to handle loss like that since--” He can't even say it. A loose tear leaves a cold trail on his cheek. “I didn't know what to do, so I called him and cried at him over the phone. I think he must've been on a date because next thing I know, he's come over, dressed to the nines, just to console me. To help me work through it.”

He rubs off the tear on his jacket sleeve, “We spent the whole night just watching bargain bin movies and eating junk food like we were kids again. We talked about it eventually but it didn't feel like it was… hard.” _Unlike now_ , he thinks bitterly, though he feels immediately guilty for that thought.

_Stop being a jackass, she's just trying to help_. Dick almost mistakes his own reprimand for Wally, which should probably concern him more than it does. His conscience taking on the form of his dead best friend-- that actually sounds like something straight out of the bat family handbook. He wraps an arm around himself.

“And now that it's Wally that's dead?” Dick continues with a pathetic huff, “I just want to talk to him about his own death. To… to just watch bad movies, eat junk food and eventually talk about everything I'm feeling-- which is impossible but I… I still want to.”

“Dick…”

“It's stupid, I know-”

“It's not. Of course you'd want to talk to your best friend about the death of… well, your best friend. It perfectly natural that you would want to do that, and it must be frustrating that you can't.”

He doesn't respond to that immediately, though that's largely because he's trying to stop himself from crying more than he already is. It's a few more moments of broken silence filled with his sniffles before he speaks again.

“I miss him.” Dick's throat constricts on him as he says that.

“I know.” Barbara says, her tone still gentle.

“Thank you, by the way. For tonight.” He thinks about the way her face had contorted when she caught him trying to sneak out. “It's just hard to be around everyone right now.”

“I figured.” She doesn't mention him practically begging her to cover for him. “You can make it up to me by taking me out to lunch next week. Just us, okay?”

“Yeah.. Yeah okay, that sounds good.”

“And then we'll talk more, okay? You seem to need a night off, Dick, but you have to promise that you won't try to shut me out again.”

He grunts, not wanting to start this all over again, but eventually mutters “Okay.”

They arrange to meet up next week at a diner, specifically in Gotham rather than Bludhaven so that Dick can “get out a little more”. She reminds him one last time to try calling Artemis before they exchange their goodbyes. It's just past midnight now and he has to be up at 5 for his shift in the morning- not that he really needs the sleep, but he doesn't really have anything else to do right now. After being a little more honest than he intended to be, Dick doesn't feel like city watching anymore. He sighs, leaning over to pick up his cold mug of hot chocolate before he starts to get up.

Idly, he thinks about his relationship with Barbara. They're very close, which comes from years of partnership and friendship. He appreciates her deeply so he doesn't feel burdened to talk to her about Wally but it still just… isn't the same. She's one of his closest friends but he still can't open up to her like he had with Wally-- frankly, he doesn't think anyone can fill those shoes.

Walking over to the roof's edge, he glances down towards the street. The city is still milling about and while he's sure he could find something constructive to do, he doesn't feel like going on patrol tonight. _Maybe I'll go to sleep like a normal human being for once_ , he thinks, turning to the stairwell. That's when he notices something-- rather, someone standing at the rooftop door. And suddenly, he can't breathe.

The glaring yellow of the Kid Flash costume looks so odd on him now. It's ripped from his memories almost to the letter and yet it seems so different. His hair is a complete mess, wildly strewn about but still cropped just like Dick remembers it being. For a second he thinks Roy is being horrifically mean in a way that would be wholly out of character, but then he looks at his eyes. Those familiar, warm green eyes that have been haunting him for the past six months. Dick feels a fleeting moment of joy at the sight of his friend, but Wally's expression makes him falter-- because he looks completely devastated. It's not an expression he's seen much of, but it makes him ache.

The pressure he feels on his chest in indescribable, but Dick pushes through and takes a staggering step towards him. “Wally?” His voice is shaky and low but clear.

Immediately, he's gone. Dick knows-- he _knows_ he just saw Wally. Frantically, he looks around the rooftop to find… nothing. Not a single thing out of place that would indicate a speedster had just come through.

A startling sob is wretched out from him, quickly being muffled by his hand. _My god, I'm really losing it, aren't I? I miss him so much that I'm getting hallucinations._

He realizes belatedly that he's crouched close to the floor with his face tucked into his knees. His cup is lying broken on the ground, the remaining hot chocolate a mess across the rooftop. Dick must have dropped it after he first saw Wally appear out of thin air.

For what feels like ages, Dick remains crouched on the rooftop, breathing heavily as he reels from his hallucination. His mind is racing, trying to rationalize the experience by running through what happened in his head. He doesn't feel like he's quite that far gone but given his past it doesn't seem… completely impossible. While he debates talking to Barbara about this next week, he realizes that Wally had actually looked translucent.

_Well, I'm just going to tuck that away for now._

Dick sighs, and moves to pick up the porcelain shards. He'd better clean this up.

\---

A few months after he began staying with Bruce, Dick remembers seeing ghosts of his parents sometimes when he was around the manor. Not in a literal ‘I'm being haunted by my dead parents’ way, but more of a ‘I’m horrified by the trauma of watching my parents die in front of me so I'm going to imagine they're still with me’ way. He remembers seeing the two of them chatting in the kitchen, watching over a pot of stew that Alfred had set on the stove while he prepared something to go with it. There's a memory he has where Dick recalls seeing his parents go on a walk, hand in hand, away from the manor.

In his grief, Dick had bolted out of the house to chase after them, not wanting to be left behind, only for them to disappear by the time he'd leapt out the door. He doesn't quite remember what happened after he collapsed outside in the night, wailing until Bruce had rushed out to him. Bruce held him close, bringing him back into the house where they sat near the fireplace while Dick had cried into him. That was the last time Dick can recall ever seeing them, though he's not sure why it stopped there.

Dick rationalizes that maybe this is just something his brain does when he's feeling particularly… broken. Pointedly, he ignores the voice in the back of his head reminding him that he never experienced this when Jason died, which devastated him.

As he sits in the corner booth of Lena's Diner, he debates on telling Babs about this as he nurses his cup of coffee. She's late, which is odd considering he had already been late, but he supposes something probably took up her time. Either way, she'll either show up or throw a message his way. He doesn't mind much, since it gives him some time to think about what to say.

He's taking a sip, lost in his thoughts, when he hears the door swing open and chime the little bell that hangs above it. Barbara rushes in, greeting the waitress as she looks around for him. Dick is waving her over when he realizes there's someone familiar behind her.

_Shit_ , is all he has time to think of before Barbara sidles into the booth with Tim following closely behind her.

“Sorry I'm late Dick, I was on my way here when I got a little…” She looks pointedly at Tim, “distracted.” Tim at least has the decency to look embarrassed.

“In my defense, the plan was for me to come in after you guys got settled so it would have just been a happy coincidence,” Dick smirks at him, causing Tim to pout, “Yeah, yeah. I know. It's not exactly easy to sneak up on our family.”

Barbara nudges him gently with her elbow. “It doesn't really help that some guys thought you'd be an easy picking for some quick cash and started to cause a scene.” Dick chuckles to himself, watching them argue briefly about how exactly the attempted mugging went down.

“Ugh, _anyways_ , I ended up with my hands in some garbage so I'm going to thoroughly wash whatever that was off my hands. I'll be right back,” Tim stands and shuffles out of the booth, “I know I'm intruding since I followed Barbara here but if you leave without me I will be really mad at both of you.” He makes an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture at both of them before heading off to the bathroom. They watch him leave, and the moment the door closes, Barbara leans towards him over the table.

“Dick, I am so sorry, I know we said this lunch would be just us but, well, as you can see, Tim has tagged along.”

He waves her off, “It's fine, it's not like you invited him. Besides, I think it'll be nice to talk to him.” Dick doesn't outright admit that he's missed them, but she can read between the lines.

Barbara smiles, “Okay.”

Tim returns to their table and they all spend the lunch chatting about Dick's time at the Academy and his new position; Barbara's CompSci courses where she knows more than she can let on due to their line of work; and Tim's juggling of being part of the team and also trying to have a semblance of a normal life outside of the cape. They have ambiguous discussions about some cases the family is looking into, but nothing particularly specific since they're still out in the open.

In the end, he never tells Barbara about seeing Wally. It wasn't like Dick was going to bring it up while Tim was around, and ultimately he decides it's better to just let his brain run its course. The hallucinations lasted for about half a year when he was a kid, so he wonders how long it will be now that he's an adult.

_Maybe it'll only be a few months now that I'm conscious of it_ , he thinks as he steps into his apartment. Once he locks the door and turns to set his leftovers from lunch in the kitchen, he realizes that Wally's already back. He's standing at the window, watching the streets down below. His cowl is pulled back this time, so Dick is able to see his full face-- handsome, with a boyish charm to it.

Dick forces himself to start breathing again. He's going to need to settle his nerves if this is going to be happening more often. His knuckles turn white from clutching the takeaway bag so tightly, and he can't bring himself to move. He wills himself to keep looking.

His body starts to relax a little as he watches the spectre of Wally start to fade. _Only a couple of minutes, huh?_

Dick startles when Wally turns to look at him, and he could swear that their gazes met. It causes him to drop his bag, and then-- he's gone. He blinks, instinctively glancing around his apartment to look for Wally. Again, nothing is out of place to suggest that a speedster had been here-- which is exactly how it should be, since Dick is conjuring up a ghost version of Wally.

He sighs and looks down to see the box has burst open from impact and the sad remnants of his lunch have spilled onto the floor. Dick curses as he crouches down to clean up the mess.

“Yeah, me too.” He mutters to the ruined leftovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I haven't seen S2 in a while so if there's some inconsistencies, please let me know!
> 
> I plan on continuing this till the end but it's ah... been a while since I've written anything so bear with me!


	2. Chapter 2

_"Okay okay, hold on one second!" Dick shouts towards his front door as he shuts off the heat for his dinner. There are boxes everywhere so it makes it a little hard for him to get to the door quickly, but he's only been here for a day so he thinks whoever's at the door can deal with a little waiting. His landlord had warned him that the other tenants were a little overly friendly and nosy with fresh faces, not factoring in the fact that Dick is hot gossip right now since he moved out of the manor. Suffice to say, he's prepared to be bombarded with questions when he pulls open the door and--_

_"Wally?" He's dressed in his pyjamas and he looks… distressed, to put it lightly. Wally quickly walks past Dick into the apartment, "Uh, yeah come on in. Hello to you too, by the way." Wally immediately walks into the kitchen, scrambling for a snack; he settles for a banana and sits down at Dick's tiny kitchen table._

_Dick can only watch Wally eat for so long, "Well?" This startles his friend, as if Wally hadn't realized he'd been quiet the whole time. "Not that it isn't great to see you, but you're acting a little spooked, so..." He leans against his kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, "What's up?"_

_Wally looks immediately uncomfortable, like bringing up the reason he's here isn't something he wants to talk about. Dick can see him debating with himself as he moved to toss the banana peel into the garbage. Whatever it is, he's having trouble deciding how to tell Dick._

_"I'm quitting the team."_

_What?_

_"Er… I mean, I'm not just quitting the team. I'm uh, quitting altogether." Wally rubs the back of his neck nervously, "No more Kid Flash."_

_Dick, frankly, doesn't know how to respond. He wants to ask Wally if he's joking but everything leading up to now tells him otherwise so he just… stands there, processing what he's just heard._

_"Dude, can you just… say something? Anything?" It's then that he realizes he's had a shocked face on this whole time._

_Dick shakes his head, returning to a passive expression, "Sorry, I'm just really uh, shocked. What happened?"_

_"Nothing happened!" Wally throws his arms up into the air, "I just want to try having a normal life for once! I'm heading into college next year and I won't have the time to be running around with Barry or you guys anymore."_

_He immediately narrows his eyes at Wally, "Yeah? Is that what you told Artemis too?"_

_Wally flinches for just a split second, but it's enough, "Yes, obviously."_

_Dick hums, pushing off of the counter, "And I'm sure she appreciated being lied to."_

_"I'm not-"_

_"Don't bullshit me man," He jabs Wally in the chest accusingly, "I_ know _you, and I know you wouldn't give up Kid Flash for nothing, not when being KF means so much to you." Wally's jaw is clenched, but he looks… tired._

_"Just tell me what really happened," Dick gently puts his hand on Wally's shoulder and Wally just melts into his touch, "You're my best friend dude. Let me help."_

_A long moment passes without anything happening and Dick's worry only grows and grows. That is until Wally leans forward and drops his head onto Dick's shoulder._

_"I…" He's whispering, voice trembling, "I think I'm losing my speed."_

Dick's head bounces against the floor with a loud thud, an immediate pain becoming his wake up call. He groans, placing a hand gently on the back of his head where he suspects a bump will form later on. Confused, he opens his eyes slowly and looks around wearily.

He's on the floor in his living room. Frankly, Dick doesn't remember falling asleep on the couch, but evidently he rolled off of it. The sun is barely peeking through his blinds, still low on the horizon. There's something pressing uncomfortably into his hips, which is when he realizes that Dick is still in his suit… sort of. The top half is off, wrapped loosely around his waist now, but the rest of it is still on proper. It's his utility belt that's digging into him.

While he whines, Dick pushes himself off the floor and sits up in search of his phone. A tight pain shoots through his abdomen as he moves. Belatedly, he recalls a particularly hefty kick he received from a goon. Normally, he would have been able to dodge a hit like that easily, but it's a little hard to focus when your dead best friend is standing in the background watching your every move.

He sighs. It's about a month now since Ghost Wally began appearing, and Dick can never really predict when his brain is going to make him show up. There were times where he'd gone a few days without seeing him, and then times where he saw him multiple times a day. Most times Wally is just standing there, either looking off in a random direction-- but the worst is when he's staring directly at Dick, like he's really there.

His heart doesn't start racing anymore and seeing Ghost Wally doesn't send him into an immediate spiral, but it still makes him feel… incredibly uncomfortable.

Like right now for instance.

Wally sits stiffly in the lounge chair adjacent to the couch, watching him with a frown. He's leaning forward, elbows resting on his thighs with his hands clenched tightly together.

Dick lets out a slow breath, "Well, good morning to you too." He spots his phone sitting on top of his coffee table. Briefly checking it, he's got a couple texts from Barbara, but nothing else of note. It's still early, just past 5, but he's got to be at the academy by 7 so he figures he may as well just get up.

He's on his feet after a couple seconds of struggle, and he pointedly ignores the spectre staring at him as he moves to the kitchen to make some morning coffee. _Ah yes, the current lifeblood of the one and only Dick Grayson_ , he hears himself think sardonically in Wally's voice.

As he goes about making coffee, he wonders what his brain is really trying to do. It's not like the hallucinations he had as a kid, which were more shades of a memory to cope with the loss than anything. This time around, Wally isn't even really doing anything; he's just _there_. Is this how he copes as an adult? Just the mere thought of his existence is supposed to provide some level of comfort? Dick isn't even sure if that's true.

On some level, he loves seeing Wally again; even if it's a sad, translucent version of him, it's still his best friend. On the other hand, Dick is also vastly aware of the fact that it's also killing him, because he knows that this isn't real; the real Wally is gone. In the end, Dick is just constantly swinging between momentary elation and prolonged anguish.

So, what the hell is the point?

_Maybe there isn't a point._

Then why?

_I don't know_.

"Ugh," Dick pinches the bridge of his nose, "Great, now I'm starting to have conversations with myself as Wally." As he hits the brew button, he looks back at Wally, who hasn't moved at all. Wally, like he always does when he appears, looks so sad and frustrated.

"Yeah, me too man," he grumbles as he heads to the bathroom. Dick needed a shower.

\---

The drills are unforgiving, but that's mostly because Dick is _fucking exhausted_. He's barely had any sleep, and the whole Wally situation hasn't been helping any. They’re winding down with slow laps around the circuit, which normally doesn’t affect him too much but his lungs are burning and his legs are screaming-- not to mention he’s definitely going past his limit given how rough last night was. It’s a small mercy that Wally hadn’t been around during all of the morning training.

Dick stumbles to a halt once the shrill sound of a whistle blows through the air. He hears his division trainer call for them to take a break for lunch, which is honestly a saving grace. One of his fellow trainees wanders over to him, giving him a gentle pat on his back.

“Grayson! What’s the deal?” It’s Truong, “You look like a light breeze could knock you down." He grumbles as she walks with him to the benches. Most of his unit is there, all resting from the vigorous workout they were all just put through-- though admittedly, Dick is certain he looks worse off than all of them.

She speaks as they sit down together, "Normally you're all…" Truong gestures vaguely at him as she trails off, "Y'know." She pretends to flip her imaginary long hair off her shoulder and shoots him a grin.

He snorts, " _Ha ha_ , very funny." Instead of sitting upright, Dick lays down across the bench, leaving some space between him and Truong. “I didn’t sleep well at all last night, and then I tripped into a table corner this morning. Even I have my off days.”

“Uh huh,” Truong reaches into Dick’s bag to grab his water bottle and hand it to him, “I’m sure that’s why you look like hell-- _One_ bad night.” She leans back on her palms, looking down at him, "You know, bullshit isn't a good look on you either."

He doesn’t like the tone of Truong’s voice, but simply drinks some water instead of responding. She doesn't press him.

Carmen Truong is probably Dick's favorite recruit in his division; most of the other recruits either avoided him like the plague or sneered at him for being 'Wayne's kid' or a 'circus freak', but she didn't seem to care at all about any of that. Their first meeting was a thorough sparring, where he could tell she wasn't holding back on him. She's got a good heart and they generally stick close to each other. He's startled from his thoughts when he registers someone calling out his name.

Truong waves off into the distance, shouting, "Grayson's over here, sir!"

Dick groans, "There goes my break." He carefully swings his legs off of the bench to get up onto his feet, avoiding Truong's watchful gaze. An instructor Dick's not familiar with approaches him.

"You Grayson?" The instructor gives him a once over, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yessir, did you need me for something?"

"There's someone at the front desk for you," they look at something on their clipboard, "A uh… Mr. Harper?"

Dick's eyes widen and a mild sense of panic forms in his chest, "Oh um… Right. Thanks." The instructor nods and wanders back into the building. He looks over at Truong as he grabs his bag, "Gotta go meet up with a friend of mine, I'll see you after lunch."

As he starts to walk off, Truong stands suddenly and calls out to him. He turns around to look at her.

"Grayson-- _Dick_ , we're friends, yeah?" Dick says nothing but nods at her, "So… I know I'm not good at talking about feelings or anything, but if you need to vent…" She gestures vaguely.

"Right, uh, thanks." He shoots her a weak smile, "I'll keep that in mind, Truong." Dick walks back into the academy building, ignoring the slight guilt he feels when he catches a glimpse of disappointment on Truong's face.

It's difficult to describe how he feels about seeing Roy leaning against the front desk, checking his phone. He's one of his closest friends, so of course Dick is happy to see him on some level-- but his heart clenches for a moment, just like it had the last time they'd seen each other. Even with the whole Wally thing going on, his mind still plays this old trick on him.

"Hey," Dick calls out to him, "didn't expect to see you here."

Roy looks up from his phone and throws him a sharp grin, "What, can't a guy visit a friend while he's in town?" They step away from the reception together to a quiet hallway.

Dick snorts, " _In town_ he says, a likely story." The area's completely cleared out, with most people already outside for the day or in the cafeteria at this point.

The other man tenses, "Yeah, well, I wouldn't have to come out here if _someone_ would just answer my texts instead of ghosting me."

"I wasn't ghosting you!"

"Uh huh, just like you haven't been ghosting everyone else." Roy runs his hand over his face and sighs, "Look, it's fine. I get it, okay? You don't have to explain anything."

"Oh yeah? That why I'm getting the third degree right now?" Dick says curtly. Roy's voice wasn't accusatory, but it wasn't exactly kind either.

"Oh fuck off with that. I think I deserve to be a little pissed off that one of my best friends is avoiding me." Roy looks hurt, but Dick doesn't deny his statement so his face shifts to annoyance. "Listen, I've been trying to talk to you about something for the past few months, but you haven't been answering me."

"I haven't had a lot of time for myself. So." He shrugs.

Roy growls, "Bull _shit_ you've been too busy to answer one fucking text! Or one phone call!"

"Well sorry I haven't been at your beck and call, Roy, but I've been pretty busy! I'm sure whatever you want to talk about can wait!" Dick gestures around the empty hallway.

He's almost certain they're about to have a shouting match when he realizes Roy just… loses all the tension in his body. Instead of arguing with Dick, he shuffles back and leans against the wall with his hands tucked into his brown leather jacket. For a while, Roy says nothing. Maybe Dick was a little harsh with him.

"I'm gonna be a dad."

_What?_

"What?"

Roy sighs, looking away from him, "Jade's about five months along now-- or we'll at least I think she is. She's refusing to meet up, but I believe her. I don't know if she wants it but… uh, I do. Told her as much."

_Holy shit._

"Holy shit--" Dick tries his best not to think about what an asshole he's been, "How uh, how long have you known?"

"Two months. Almost three, now."

"That's--" _About as long as you've been avoiding his texts and calls_ , "That's great, Roy!" He's genuinely happy for his friend, though perhaps it's obvious that's he's trying a little too enthusiastically to show it because Roy continues looking down the hall with a frown.

"Yeah. It is." Roy pushes off the wall and starts walking away, "That's all I had to say. Seeya."

Dick quickly catches his arm, "Wait! Wait a second," the other man stops and turns to him, "I'm sorry, okay? I was being, well, a dick. It's just been… hard."

"And I told you that I get it, Dick. I just don't understand why you can't even give me one second of your time without me having to come all the way out here to Bludhaven." He shrugs off Dick's hand, "And I know this isn't just because you're having a rough time since Wally died," Dick holds back a wince as Roy's voice starts growing, "Cause I know for a fact that you're talking to the others- Gordon, mostly, but I know you and Kaldur still text here and there. And I only know that because Kaldur and Gordon are the only ones who can give me any updates on you!"

He jabs Dick in the chest, continuing to yell, "So what gives, Dick? Why am I getting the fucking cold shoulder?"

" _It's because you look like him_!"

Both of them freeze at Dick's outburst; Roy, stricken with the revelation, and Dick, shocked at his own confession. He wants to blame it on his exhaustion, the hallucinations, the overwhelming _grief_ \-- but it doesn't matter, because now Roy knows and he can't take it back. There's a tense silence between them.

Roy cuts in.

"Really?” Dick nods and Roy immediately let's out a weak laugh, "Shit. _Shit_. I'm trying really hard to not be mad at you right now." He takes a small step back, easing off of him, "Anyone ever tell you you're kinda fucked up?"

Dick pouts, "Hey."

Roy waves him off, "You and I both know you are." He gestures at himself, and then at his hair, "And we both know the only similarity that matters is my hair. I don't even have freckles. So… yeah, okay. You get a pass this time, man." Roy gives him a joking punch in the arm-- though maybe a little less jokingly because _ow_.

Dick rubs the spot on his arm that Roy punched, "I _am_ sorry that I've been avoiding you." He pointedly doesn't respond to any of the comments Roy made about him being fucked up.

"Yeah, well, it looks like you're having an even tougher time than I thought." He tucks his hand back into his pockets, "Don't go AWOL on me again though, Dick. I'll let it slide this time but… I lost Wally, just like you did. I don't wanna lose you too."

Dick nods, a bitter thought drifting through his head about how Roy hadn't lost Wally like he had-- no one did, except maybe Artemis. Which… is really not fair of him.

_Wow, way to be a jackass_.

"I'm gonna head out now. I've got a lot on my plate what with the whole baby coming along and what not."

"Right. Congratulations, by the way. I really am happy for you."

"Thanks man," Roy turns to head back to the reception area, "I'll talk to you later. And _don't_ ghost me again." He shoots Dick a sharp look over his shoulder before walking away.

Once Roy disappears, Dick lets out a long, tired sigh. He feels wrung out all over again-- tired from physical exhaustion and from fully living up to his namesake with how he treated Roy. There isn't really any excuse for him to be acting like this towards him, but he really just can't seem to hold himself together.

And of course, there's Wally again.

Dick leans against the wall and slides down into a crouch, looking up at the ghastly figure hovering above him. He's got his arms crossed over his chest and he looks thoroughly unimpressed with Dick.

He shoots a painful smile up at Ghost Wally, "Y'know, if you were really here, you'd be telling me off for what a jerk I'm being-- about how I should have apologized the second Roy showed up instead of starting a fight. You were always so good at keeping me in check with myself and I just… I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without you." Dick chokes out a broken whisper, "I miss you."

Throughout all of his mental machinations, Dick has never had the nerve to actually try and touch the spectre. It never seemed like a good idea to really acknowledge him-- talking already looked bad enough for him. Plus, for a while he was mostly just freaked out by the whole ordeal.

But he's tired; he's tired and he misses his best friend like he misses his parents.

So, Dick reaches out towards Wally's hand, just to pretend to touch him for once more in his life.

And then, Wally reaches back.

_He reaches back._

Dick's hand passes right through his, but the shock of it all causes him to fall away from Wally.

"Did you just--" He gestures his hand towards the ghost again, making a closing hand motion.

That's when Wally _nods_.

Immediately, Dick remembers the sensations he felt when the ghost first appeared. The panic is rising and-- He can't breathe. He can't move. He… He's so much worse off than when he'd dreamed up his parents when he was a little kid.

How much time passes as he stares at Wally, he'll never know. The reverie is broken when Dick hears Truong's voice cutting through his stupor. She calls out to him at the end of the hall, and he turns to wave at her to show that he hears her-- though he doesn't catch anything aside from his name.

When he looks back, Wally is gone.

 

Obviously, Dick doesn’t stay at the academy. Since Truong found him on the floor and his general behaviour throughout the day, he was able to feign sickness-- it likely helped that Dick felt genuinely unwell. Their division trainer sent him on his way without question, telling him to ‘not infect the rest of them’. He’s happy to run off.

His mind is racing through his whole trip home, and it’s still racing once he slams the door shut behind him. He tosses his things onto the couch and jumps into the shower to try and center himself. The steaming water is nice, helping relax his muscles and aches, but he can’t stop replaying the scene in his head. Could he really chalk this all up to layer of exhaustion mixing in with his grief? For that matter, shouldn’t he be more worried about himself? His hallucinations were growing more intense, but he wasn’t sure if he was even unhappy about it anymore. Dick presses his forehead against the cold shower tiles.

He should really be talking to someone about this-- a professional, ideally, but that’s a little tricky in his line of work. His other option is someone he knows, which is also a no-go. His friends, they would all be kind to him about it, but they wouldn’t really understand. This is a little much even for Barbara, so he can’t tell her; and he definitely can’t tell Bruce-- he just can’t. So, if he can’t tell them, then.... Dick doesn’t really have any other options.

“Fuck,” he mutters quietly.

The water eventually turns lukewarm as Dick mindlessly stands there, mind still racing. He shuts off the water and steps out, moving more on autopilot than anything. Some time passes before he really comes back to himself. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in his pyjamas-- and with a glance to the window, he realizes just how much time has really passed. Dick had left the academy shortly after the lunch break had ended, the sky still bright and blue. Now, a warm orange light filtered in through his blinds and the sky looked like a delicate pink.

It hits him then just how tired he is-- tired of everything. He knows he’s not okay; he’s never really been okay, given everything that’s happened to him, but he knows this is much worse. He’s tired of trying to move on with his life, because he doesn’t want to; he wants his best friend back, by his side. He barely sleeps anymore, not without a nightmare or a depressing memory plaguing him-- and he knows his work, both day and night, are suffering from this. He’s tired of thinking about all of this; the death, the grief, the madness, the anger, the all encompassing sorrow-- _everything_.

Weakly, he looks over at Wally, who’s sitting next to him now and looking as concerned as ever.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Wally.” He chokes out, “I’m just… so tired, man.” The spectre reaches out to touch his shoulder, or at least, he tries to. Dick is immediately stricken with how… happy that makes him feel. There’s no sensation of touch there, not even a slight chill or shift in the air, but he can see it happening and that’s what matters. He feels his eyes watering as he weakly lets out a quiet laugh.

“Okay, ” Dick puts his own hand on his shoulder, passing through Wally’s, “You win. I concede.” Wally still looks worried, but he-- he fucking _smiles_ at Dick, and he lets out a sob. It’s a small smile, but it’s Wally’s, gentle dimples and all, and in that moment, Dick doesn’t care anymore.

It’s okay now.

He leans back onto the bed, swinging his legs over and pointedly, through his ghost friend. Dick rests his head on the pillow and reaches out to gently pass through Wally’s hand.

“Will you stay with me, while I sleep?” He asks while tucking himself under his covers, “Please?” His exhaustion begins taking over, eyes starting to flutter, but he sees Wally nod before Dick passes out.

And so, Wally stays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience and kind words! I really appreciate it!
> 
> I know the timeline with future baby Lian doesn't quite follow along with s3 canon, but hey, canon divergence anyone? Plus there's gonna be some pseudoscience of the comic book variety coming up in the future so bear with me, dear readers. We're in for a bumpy, slightly nonsensical ride.
> 
> Side note, Truong is a minor OC! Just someone at the academy with a connection to Dick.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dick! You made it!" Barbara smiles brightly at him as she opens the door. She moves forward and pulls him into a tight hug. He struggles to maneuver his gift around her, and barely manages to avoid crushing it between them. As she pulls back, she whispers quietly to him, "I'm glad you decided to come."

He laughs lightly, "Yeah, me too."

She moves back and gestures for him to come in, "I just came inside to take off my jacket, but everyone else is out back." Dick nods, walking in past her to drop off his jacket as well. The early June heat is sweltering. He watches carefully as Barbara closes the door while Wally's crossing the threshold-- but Wally doesn't seem to mind and Barbara doesn't notice anything.

"Let me grab yours and I'll hang them up together," he says as he shrugs off his navy moto jacket.

"Sure."

As they go through the motions, they chat idly about nothing in particular. They've been speaking more in the past few weeks, which he knows Barabara is glad for. He's been more open about how he's adjusting to his civilian life, about how he's been out as Nightwing less to give himself more of a real break.

She still doesn't know about the extra guest that's with him right now, but that's neither here nor there.

Dick turns to head out back, where he can hear indistinct chatter, when Barbara grabs his wrist. Confused, he turns and looks back down at her with an arched brow. Wally, who's standing slightly behind her, tilts his head at the scene. She seems to be debating on what she wants to say to him for a moment, which is hardly a good sign.

"She's uh, here already. Artemis, I mean."

_Oh._

"Oh." His eyes shift over to Wally, who looks a little nervous, before moving back to look at Barbara again. He clears his throat, "Well, this is a baby shower for her sister after all." She looks like she's about to tell him to take this seriously but he cuts her off before she can start, "It's okay Babs, I swear I'll be fine. Just a little nervous is all, but I'll be okay. How about you go out there first and let everyone know I'm here while I… brace myself."

"Alright, fine. Just… don't avoid her, okay?" He nods. She looks satisfied, so she retreats out through the open backdoors. The chatter comes to a halt after he hears Barbara talking about his arrival. He glances over to Wally, who has come to stand beside him.

This will be fun.

_Oh absolutely_.

They walk out into the backyard together.

There aren't any baby decorations outside aside from an ivory tablecloth that covers a long table for the presents. Absently, he thinks about how that's pretty fitting since this isn't exactly a traditional baby shower.

M'gann, Conner, and Dinah are sitting at the lawn table taking in some small snacks. Roy is at the grill with Kaldur and Oliver. Zatanna and Artemis are both sitting upright in some lawn chairs under a large oak tree, with Raquel laid out on the grass near them-- though she's sitting up now. 

Everyone is looking at him.

The silence stretches on and Barbara is looking around nervously between him and the rest of the party. He wants to say something but his mind is blanking-- what's the most appropriate thing to say? 'Hi everyone? Sorry I haven't spoken to most of you for months? Hey Artemis, how's it going? Haven't seen you since the funeral?' Christ, he's been trained by Batman for fuck's sake, he should be able to handle saying hello to his friends.

"You know, you're prettier than I remember," A voice chimes out from behind him. Dick whips around to see Paula smiling up at him-- and behind her, Jade. His eyes widen at the sight of her, and hears a quiet gasp.

"Jade!" Kaldur steps to the side and nudges Roy towards her. It looks like he's about to reach forward to hug her, but he hesitates and decides otherwise. He smiles at her though, "I'm glad you could make it."

Jade smirks, "Well, can't have a party without the guest of honor now can we, Red?"

Dick sees everyone lose some tension in their shoulders now that Jade's arrival has overshadowed his own. Jade, Paula, and Roy are chatting casually and he hears the conversations in the yard start up again. He produces a nervous smile and gives a general wave to everyone before walking over to the gift table, with Barbara close behind him.

Wally's absence is a little painful, as Wally rarely disappears from his side nowadays-- but he makes sure to not pay any mind to it.

He feels Barbara place her hand on his free hand while he sets down his gift bag on the table.

"Remember Dick, they're your friends," she whispers quietly to him, "You don't need to be afraid to talk to them."

Whenever Barbara manages to figure out exactly how he's feeling, it makes him feel exposed. He schools his features though, because-- _She's just making sure you're okay to be here. Today isn't about you and your problems, but for Roy and Jade and their future child_.

Dick clears his throat, "Right. I'll keep that in mind." She nods, satisfied with his response, and moves down the ramp off the porch to head over to the other girls. He watches for a moment as she talks to them. They seem to be enjoying themselves-- Artemis is looking at him.

Cowardly, he turns back to the gifts in front of him. They're all decorated very nicely, with a variety of glittering papers and bags, but he can't focus. He feels her sharp gaze on the back of his head. He's sure that Artemis is angry with him, or at the very least, is going to see right through him. A line of tension starts from his clenched hands, running up his back, winding around his shoulders and ending at the back of his head where she's watching--

"Dick." He nearly jumps at the firm hand on his shoulder. Dick looks over to see Kaldur, giving him a soft smile, "I am glad to see you here, my friend. I feared you would not be able to attend."

The warmth from his hand melts away the anxious energy that had been coiling within him. Dick nods and sends Kaldur a genuine smile, "Yeah, me too."

"How is Bludhaven treating you?"

"Good. It's really good, honestly," They wander over and sit at the table with the others. M'gann cheerfully greets him, while Conner and Dinah wave at him as they continue eating. "It's not really all that different from Gotham, but somehow it's still…"

"Better?"

Dick nods, before huffing out a small laugh, "Probably a little easier to breathe without Bruce around all the time, I guess."

Kaldur chuckles at that, "I can imagine."

"Oh!" M'gann interjects, "Tell us about the academy. You're almost done your program, right?"

"Yeah, just about. I'm going to be posted at a precinct soon." He starts talking to them about everything he's gone through with the police program. It's nice, being around them again. They don't ask him any prying questions, which he appreciates as a small mercy, so he rambles on about his training and some of the academy drama that's going on.

At some point while he details some of the academy gossip, Wally returns. His presence fills him with vigor, and Dick knows that he starts to talk more animatedly towards his friends. The relaxing effect Wally has on his demeanor gives his friends comfort, as he can see them all relaxing into their chairs as he speaks.

The conversation switches to M'gann and Conner. As he listens to them recount their days at college, he sneaks a glance over at Wally.

Wally is at his side, like usual, 'leaning' against the table with his hands placed near where Dick's are on the tabletop. Normally, Wally would have thrown him a goofy smile and a thumbs up for socializing with his friends but as he looks up at his ghostly friend, he realizes his gaze rests elsewhere. His expression is blank and unreadable, but as Dick follows Wally's line of sight, he feels a dark burning sensation churn in his chest.

He can't hear the conversation, but Artemis laughs brightly at something Zatanna says. She's not the only one laughing, mind you, but she's the one that matters. A bitter feeling continues to swell in his chest. Logically, he knows it's strange to feel possessive of his own hallucination-- it's not like Wally appears for anyone else, after all. Yet, he can't help it. This Wally is his and his alone, not hers and--

"Dick?"

Conner's voice startles him out of his reverie, and he looks back at his friend. It's then that he realizes he must have been outright glaring at Artemis because everyone looks concerned. M'gann and Conner both look confused, Kaldur looks tense, and Dinah-- Dinah looks concerned, but there's something else there. It's like she sees him-- _really_ sees him, like she's reading an open book.

Does she know?

_That's impossible_.

But why else would she be looking at me like that?

Dick swallows nervously, "I--"

"Lunch is ready!" Oliver exclaims as he sets some hotdogs down on the table. He moves back to the grill to grab another large plate full of steaks and hamburgers piled on. "Get 'em while they're hot!"

"You forgot to get everything out like I asked," grumbles Roy from behind him. He's holding two bags of buns and supporting a plate of sliced vegetables and cheese. Beside him, Jade is holding a large bowl of salad. She rolls her eyes and nudges Roy to set everything down. He glares at her but there's no heat behind it, so they set everything down together. 

It is a strangely domestic sight for two achingly undomestic individuals.

Dick shrugs off the weird energy he's feeling and grabs a plate as everyone begins to eat. No one comments on how he'd been looking at Artemis.

He settles into his chair to eat and quietly listen to everyone talk while chiming in on occasion. He knows he's not being very talkative, but no one seems to mind too much. Barbara's given him a couple furtive glances, but he must have passed some sort of evaluation she had for him because she does stop part way through the meal.

 

Eventually, there are only a few scraps left on the table and Roy announces that it’s time to open the gifts. As everyone moves to the gift table, Dick notices Paula staying behind to gather the dirty dishes.

“Paula! Here, let me help you,” He begins gathering some of the dishes into his hands.

“Oh thank you, Dick.”

He can hear the other starting to go around opening gifts, “Why don’t you join them, Paula? I think you should be with them more than me,” Dick holds his collection of dishes out for Paula, “Give me your share and I can take care of the dishes. You go ahead.”

She raises an eyebrow at him, hesitating, before shrugging and placing her set on top of his, “Okay, if you say so.” She points a finger scoldingly at him, “Don’t bother washing them immediately though. You should join in the festivities too.”

He chuckles, “Don’t worry, I won’t be long. I’ll just get them all soaking.” Wally rolls his eyes at him, knowing that Dick is going to take his sweet time. The others are opening gifts one by one--  And normally, he would be happy to have all eyes on him, but he’s still mildly uncomfortable and would rather avoid the attention.

Paula nods, seemingly satisfied with his response, and moves to join the others while he brings the dishes indoors to the kitchen.

As he wanders inside, he takes a cursory look around Roy’s home. It’s not as messy as he’d expected it to be-- there are a couple books strewn about, but otherwise it’s almost impeccably clean. Dick figures that someone else probably helped Roy clean before the party and Wally grins at him-- he agrees.

The sink is clear when he enters the kitchen, so he sets down the dishes and lets the water run over them. As he’s moving things around, Dick notices a few photos pinned to the fridge. He shuts the water off and steps over to look at them. There’s one of a much younger Roy, dressed as Speedy, standing proudly with Oliver dressed as Green Arrow. The photo next to it must be recent, since it looks like Roy and Jade out at a beach.

_They look cute together._

Not the best match though, given their lifestyles.

_That’s true._

Then, he sees the photo under them. His heart clenches for a fleeting moment, but settles quickly. It’s another more recent photo but not as recent as the one with Jade. This was at Wally and Artemis’ housewarming party-- a group photo that Wally had insisted they all take. Somehow, a food fight had started inside their house, so everyone in the photo is covered in different mixtures of party snacks, pizza and drinks. In fact-- everyone at this party was in the photo save for Oliver, Dinah and… Dick swallows, looking over at Wally in the photo. He’s got one arm around Artemis and the other around Dick, with a bright grin plastered on his face. He remembers that day fondly, even though he recalls the undercurrent of sadness he had been feeling. Dick had tried to reign it all in, and he’s certain almost everyone hadn’t noticed, but...

_I could tell-- I could always tell._

Sad about what?

_About me. And about me leaving the life behind._

It’s not like you had a choice. Besides, at least you had Artemis with you-- you guys had a life together.

_We had… something. I missed it though. I know she did too._

“Wow, I had no idea Roy had this photo up here,” a voice shatters the moment between him and Wally-- who promptly disappears. It takes a moment for his brain to catch up, but a cold chill runs through his body when he realizes who’s peeking over his shoulder.

“More openly sentimental that I’d expect but…” He turns to look over at Artemis, “It’s a cute photo, so I can’t blame him.”

She shrugs, “Maybe he’s practicing for the incoming baby.” He nods in agreement, but then he finds himself at a loss for what to say next. Dick has mostly avoided directly interacting with Artemis, but clearly she’s tired of his behavior. “So…”

“So.”

“Sorry I missed your birthday.”

“S’okay. Sorry I missed yours.”

Artemis scoffs, “Wow, we sure are something, aren’t we?” She leans back against the kitchen counter.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We're supposed to be friends and yet we haven’t seen or spoken to each other since the funeral, Dick.” He winces at her honesty. "Actually, we're supposed to be _good_ friends."

"Fuck," he mutters, "I know, I'm sorry--"

"No- no, don't apologize," She shakes her head at him, "You didn't check up on me, but I also didn't check up on you." Her hands are clenched into fists at her side and he can tell that something is frustrating her. "We were both having trouble… dealing with what happened," Artemis swallows and dejectedly adds, "We still are, really."

He doesn't know how to respond to that; doesn't know how to tell her that he's been doing well, actually, now that Wally is around again. He _can't_ say that, not without looking crazier than he already feels. The silence stretches on and it hurts more than Dick is able to admit. The fact that he can't talk to her like he used to is painful, because Artemis is right-- they _were_ good friends, but now there's this unspoken discord between them that he can't quite define. Obviously there's Wally's death that's between them, but if there's something else, he can't seem to pinpoint it.

Although, it seems like Artemis intends to clear that up for him.

"I need you to listen to what I have to say," she breaks the silence quietly.

"Uh, okay. What is it?"

"I--" She cuts herself off, pacing nervously in the kitchen in front of him. Dick watches her carefully, not wanting to spook her.

"Artemis," he says while she continues to pace, "I know we haven't spoken in a while but you _can_ talk to me. You're right, we're friends so let's _talk_ \--"

"I don't blame you for what happened," She blurts out.

Dick feels a cold wave flush through him. His whole body freezes and he can feel himself step back, putting himself up against the fridge. He says nothing, looking down at the floor tiles.

When he doesn't respond, Artemis continues, "I-- I _know_ you, and I know what you're like. And I know that I've been busy trying to get my life back together, so I didn't say this before, but I'm saying it _now_ . I don't blame you-- _We_ don't blame you. Not me, not Barry, not Iris-- none of us."

He doesn't know how to respond. He can't respond. He can't speak. He can't move. It's like he's been cut open to reveal the dark thoughts he had locked away within himself.

Was it that obvious? That he'd been blaming himself, all this time, for Wally's death? For bringing them back into the life? Does she know that he still blames himself? That whatever comfort she provides with her words he still can't forgive himself?

Is this supposed to make him feel better? Or is this for her sake?

Does it matter, either way?

"Dick?" He looks back up to her. She looks more fragile than he's ever known her to be-- the only other time being the funeral. Their gazes catch on each other, but he can't do anything else but stare.

"Hey Artemis, did you find--" Roy stops abruptly at the backdoor. They swing their heads to look at him, and Roy's smile immediately drops off his face. "What's going on? Are you guys okay?"

"I--"

"Yeah," Dick interrupts, "We're… fine." He can feel Artemis' eyes return to him, but he pointedly ignores her gaze. "I'm just headed to the bathroom."

Roy looks unconvinced, but doesn't press, "Okay, sure. Hurry it up then, we're almost done with the presents." He raises an eyebrow at Artemis to say 'are you coming or not?'

She seems to fight with herself for a few seconds, before nodding roughly. Dick doesn't stick around to hear or see anything else, opting to shuffle quickly to the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him immediately.

After a moment, he presses his ear against the door. He can't discern what they're saying, but he doesn't care what they're talking about-- their voices slowly fade away into the distant chatter of the yard. Dick waits a few seconds before exiting the bathroom.

He moves on autopilot-- he grabs his jacket from the closet, silently opens the front door, sends Roy an apologetic text about being called in for an emergency, pulls out his keys and… leaves.

\---

For as long as Dick can remember, Bruce has always been lonely. It's something he noticed even when Bruce had first taken him in-- it was less obvious, initially. How could someone who had so much ever be lonely? But with the large, empty mansion with only Alfred as the only other occupant, it became more apparent. Especially after he'd become Robin. Bruce always held something back; from Clark, from Diana-- even from him. He'd always wondered if the only person who ever really knew everything was Alfred, who'd been with Bruce through his whole life.

Regardless, Bruce had always made an effort to be good to him. Even though Dick could see something hidden away behind his eyes, Bruce had made every effort to make sure he would be taken care of-- to not end up like him, or so Diana says.

Dick wonders if he's washed away all of Bruce's efforts.

He doesn't go to the memorial.

It's being held at Artemis' house, for one thing, and he really doesn't think it's a good idea for him to be there. Not when other ghosts of Wally are sure to be there as well. Plus, _everyone_ will be there-- including Wally's family. He can't be there. No matter how many calls and messages he gets from his friends to attend, Dick simply can't go. He almost gives in when even Artemis leaves him a message asking him to be there, telling him that she wants him there too-- but, no.

In his defense, as weak as it may be, it's not like he stays home either. He volunteers to pick up someone's patrol shift on the anniversary, throws himself into a double shift to distract himself as much as he can. It works too-- for the most part. Wally has been an ever present comfort since the incident at the baby shower, but has made himself strangely scarce today, only showing up occasionally and only for a moment. Truong, who he was initially glad to be placed with, has been giving him scrutinizing looks all day. She knows what today means to him, and when he told her that he'd be working a double she made this _face_ at him, but said nothing.

Nothing happens during his shift. Throughout the entire day, everyone is just going about their lives-- and isn't that just a painful reminder? To them, today is just another day, but for him, it's a horrible anniversary for something that he can barely even think about without dredging a myriad of emotions-- guilt, rage, grief, turmoil, anguish, _guilt_.

He freezes as he's shutting his locker for the night, a tightness welling up in his chest. His breath grows short and a heat gathers in his eyes-- no, not here. Dick presses his forehead against the cold metal of his locker, closing his eyes tightly.

_It's okay to cry._

Not now, not when I've held out this long. I can do this.

_You don't have to_ do _anything, Dick._

I'm _fine_ , I just need to go home.

"You okay, Grayson?" Dick whips his head to look at Wally's ghost, confused about how he could hear his voice so clearly. It takes a moment for him to realize that the voice had actually come from behind Wally-- from Truong.

"Yeah," He replies wetly, "Yeah I'm fine. Just a long shift."

She looks unconvinced, "We can go out for a drink or something and talk--"

"I said I'm _fine_." He says a little too firmly. Truong immediately frowns, looking a little hurt at his harsh tone. Dick sighs inwardly, "Sorry, I just need some sleep. It's been a long night. I'll see you around." He doesn't linger to her what she says, picking up his things and brushing past her to leave. She doesn't follow.

_A little harsh, don't you think?_

Oh so _now_ you decide to show up?

Dick tosses his things in his car, annoyed at Wally's sudden interest in what he's doing today.

_Hey, don't take it out on me, I don't really choose when I show up._

He rolls his eyes and chooses to drive back to his apartment instead of responding. He's still happy Wally is here, but is upset about him not being around all day and only showing up now that he's made an ass of himself. Wally sits in the passenger seat, humming quietly-- which he's never done before.

Absently, he thinks about Wally's behaviour now. Dick's always been extremely observant, thanks Bruce, so he knows how his spectre of a friend has acted since he first came about. Wally's always been open to listening to him, and occasionally responds to his thoughts. Now though, he's much more responsive-- like he's _really_ there, not just ghostly version of him.

"So, what, did you get some upgrades or something? My brain decided to amp it up?" He asks, clutching the steering wheel tightly.

_What d'you mean?_ He can see Wally tilt his head at him in the corner of his eye.

"You were never this…" Dick gestures at him as he pulls into the tenant parking lot, "Active. You've been talking to me a lot more, and now you're humming."

_Huh, I guess that's true. I dunno Dick, this isn't exactly a science here._

He rolls his eyes as he parks the car, "I'm not complaining, it's just weird." Dick grabs his bag and coat, getting out of the vehicle. He watches Wally phase through the car to exit, "I already know this is crazy, but I'm not really used to this."

_Crazy?_ Wally questions as they walk up to his floor.

"Yeah. I mean, I had hallucinations as a kid but this really takes the cake."

_Hallucinations?_

"It's fine. I know deep down that I'm just talking to a version of you that my mind has made up, but it's still nice to have you around, y'know? It's just weird that you seem to be evolving." Dick explains quietly. It's close to three in the morning at this point, so he'd prefer to not wake up his neighbors by talking to himself.

_But I'm not a hallucination_.

"Right," He snorts, "And I'm the Pope. C'mon Wally, that's exactly what a hallucination of you would say."

_I'm serious, Dick! This is real!_

Dick rolls his eyes, pulling out his keys as they exit the stairwell to his floor. "Uh huh, sure. Very funny, now can I go inside now? I'm tired."

_But--_

"Enough, okay?" He says sternly, stopped outside his door. Wally looks upset, which Dick feels infinitely guilty about, but he simply nods and shuts his mouth. "Good, thank you." Nodding, he unlocks his door and pushes in--

He's not alone-- for real, this time.

His living room is filled with his friends, all dressed in relatively dark clothing. Even Bruce is here, standing in the center. They all look tense, but also somewhat… shocked? Which is weird to Dick, considering he hadn't been expecting guests.

"Nice of you all to be here at my apartment, please, come in," He quips nervously. Quickly, he turns to close the door and glance at Wally-- who has, of course, disappeared again. Convenient.

Everyone exchanges glances with each other, except Bruce, who stares at him with a hard expression. A mixture of disappointment, the usual undercurrent anger he carries and… concern.

It's at this moment that Dick begins to register what exactly is going on. This is an intervention of some sort. It makes sense, given his attitude as of late and missing the memorial to boot. He'd avoided all the questions and messages he'd gotten from everyone, especially Barbara, who was upset that he was 'running away from the people who cared about him'. So yes, they're upset and worried for him. He can't exactly blame them for that.

But there's something else. It's the way that everyone's looking at him-- something is off. Rather than being upset or nervous, they all look… stricken. He's running through possibilities in his head when Bruce speaks.

"Are you experiencing hallucinations?"

Dick feels a cold wave rush through him.

"What?"

Bruce clenches his fist, "Are you experiencing hallucinations? Of Wally?" He speaks firmly, enunciating each word.

How? How did he know? Dick has barely spoken a word to Bruce outside of mission details, so how does he know? Barbara didn't even know-- or, well, from the look on her face, she does.

It's then, in his panic, he notices Conner and M'gann standing next to each other. Conner, who has super hearing, and M'gann, who likely has a telepathic link open for everyone in the room. They'd likely been listening for him to come home. Listening… to him talk to himself.

Shit.

Dick swallows, "What gave you that idea?" 

Conner steps forward in a placating manner, "I heard what you said out there, Dick. We know."

He takes a deep breath, setting his things onto the ground. "Alright, so what if I do?" Dick admits. There's no use lying, since they heard his whole conversation.

"So what?! Dick--" Barbara's cut off when Bruce holds out a palm for her to stop. Frankly, if everyone here is going to yell at him, he'd prefer to just get grilled by Bruce. She bites her lip, but tightens her grip on her wheelchair.

"This is not healthy." Dick stifles a scoff and Bruce’s frown deepens. "We've all been giving you space to grieve, but enough is enough."

"What-- you think this is a choice I made?" He shouts angrily at Bruce. Dick hates it when Bruce makes him feel like this-- like he's a child still, unable to make his own decisions without the big ol' Batman to watch over him. "You think I like this?"

"I do, actually." Dick grits his teeth at this, wishing that they didn't have an audience. "Maybe you didn't choose this, but I'm certain that you enjoy it."

"And?" He steps up Bruce, "What's it to you if I enjoy it or not? How is that your business?"

"It's my business because you are my _son_ and this is not a healthy way to process Wally's death."

"And you're supposed to be the definition of healthy coping mechanisms?" _Dude--_ he hears Wally chime in, likely to tell him he crossed a line, but he's too angry to care.

His friends all gasp and Bruce's face immediately hardens, "Dick--"

Angrily, he pushes Bruce away from him, which his father allows. "No, I don't want to hear it." Dick begins looking around at his friends who all look extremely upset, "I know you're all worried about me, and maybe I am a little off the rails, but so what? I _finally_ feel like myself again. I finally feel like I'm not being crushed by his death!"

"Dick--" Barbara tries to interject with a trembling voice.

"I know it's not healthy, okay? But this way I can at least have some semblance of a normal life. Can't you at least let me have that?" The silence is deafening, and it hurts Dick to know that the people closest to him don't know how to just let him have this small happiness--

"Wally?" Artemis whispers, shattering the tension in the room. Dick blinks, trying to process why she's saying Wally's name. As he takes it in, he realizes that no one is actually looking at him, but instead is looking _behind_ him. He turns, slowly, knowing full well what he's going to see, but not sure he's ready to put the pieces together.

Wally stands there, close behind him, looking as shocked and confused as Dick probably does at this moment. He's still wearing that bright yellow Kid Flash suit, cowl pulled off, and his body holding its usual translucency. It's a familiar sight for Dick, but as he steps aside and follows everyone's eyes, he knows that something is different this time.

Artemis stands up from her seat on the couch, hand covering her mouth as she stares at Wally's spectre. Her footing is unsteady and Zatanna immediately rises next to her to hold Artemis up, though her eyes stay trained on Wally.

"What the fuck?" He hears Roy mutter, "How is this… What?" His voice growing as he speaks.

Dick looks between Wally and his friends as his mind begins to fully understand what's going on.

"You can see him?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW! What a doozy, am I right?
> 
> Sorry for the long delay and thanks for your patience! My bf came to visit and then the expansion for a game I play came out... Well. Shit happens. On the plus side, this chapter is almost twice as long as usual.
> 
> Also, if anyone's wondering, I am of the belief that Jade has this sort of... mutual understanding with the team re: identities. Bear with me on that because it felt weird otherwise.
> 
> We've still got a ways to go before we get to the end but hey, lots of development. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I haven't seen S2 in a while so if there's some inconsistencies, please let me know!
> 
> I plan on continuing this till the end but it's ah... been a while since I've written anything so bear with me!


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